Year:2012.
Class X.
“She loves you”, her friend said. As she was a Shy girl,She asked her friend to inform me.
My eyes brightened. My smile froze .I combed my hair repeatedly. I looked like the happiest human on the planet. Three months after the proposal, she had finally accepted it.
These are the highlights of our relationship.
She said, “I love your smile”. I blushed.
She ran away from me playfully whenever I stood beside her. When I asked why so, I was introduced to a term called “shyness”.
We waved at each other from a distance in the morning break,lunch break and after school.
I jumped with happiness whenever she texted “I love you”.
She made a phone call asking me not to bunk the class as she would miss me.
Hours of phone conversations. Lots of filmy dialogues.
Frequent eye contacts.
Last day of school,She said she'll miss me badly. I told her the same.
This went on for months. I got a phone call from her.
She: I want to talk about something.
Me: Yeah, what?
S: My parents came to know about our relationship.
M: HOW??????
S: I don't know. I promised my Dad that I'd never talk to you again.
M: Is that what you decided?
S: Yes, I’m so sorry.
She disconnected the call. I buried my face under the pillow and cried the whole day. “I love her” I kept saying to myself repeatedly. I felt bad for her. I thought a lot about how she was going to manage things at home. I cried for days. One day I couldn't help myself and ended up calling her after a month.
M: Hello! It's me.
S: Who?
She used to be the one who recognized me just after “Hello”.
M: I love you so much. I really miss you. I really tried to get over you, but I couldn't.*I said with a quivering voice*
S: I'll call you later. Mom is around.*She sounded casual and normal*
She never did. I spent many days staring at my mobile hoping that she would call. After that I joined Narayana academy in Hyderabad for Intermediate. It was a strict typical Narayana campus where mobiles and all other electronic devices were not allowed, and the only communication is to call through a coin box. When I was sent back home for homesick holidays after a month or so, I saw her number in the missed call list of my mom's phone. I felt happy that she finally called me. I called her back.
M: Hello
S: Sorry I called by mistake.
M: How are you?
S: Fine.
*An awkward silence*
M: Why aren't you talking anything?
S: What should I talk? *The tone was rude*
I got angry. I disconnected the call.
I got a text message after a while. “Sorry! Don't get hurt. Mom is around. I want to talk about some important matter to you. I'll call you tomorrow”.
I Smiled. Hopes rushed in again. I waited for her call the next day. She didn't call. The homesick holidays were about to end. But still I didn't get her call. I called her on the last day of homesick holidays before leaving.
S: I won't talk to you.
M: What? But you were the one who said you would call me! *I was speechless*
S: Don't you understand if I tell you once? I don't want to talk to you.
M: What did I do?
S: Nothing. Bye.
She disconnected the call. I didn't know what to do. I still remember that day leaving my home with tears. My parents thought I cried because I was homesick.
I didn't know what was wrong with her. I don't even know what made her do that. I was hurt deeply, badly. But I managed to stay fine for some two or three months. After that, the memories kept haunting me. After that a friend of me informed that she was in love with someone else. Though he said he wasn't sure, I was terribly broken.
Now these are the highlights of the dark stage I've ever faced.
The study hour schedule was from 7:00 AM to 10:30 PM, excluding around three hours for breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner breaks. So, the only thing I could think of most of the time is her.
I hardly knew the reason for her crazy behavior. The times we spent together kept running in my head all the time.
I hardly socialized. I cried alone. Sometimes love towards her blossomed. Sometimes I got angry. Sometimes I hated her. I felt cheated. Sometimes I felt pity over myself.
I hardly had something to divert myself, except studying. I studied hard. But still the thoughts about her kept eating me up.
I lost the appetite. I ate only twice a day or sometimes just once.
I spent most of the time sitting alone. There were days I didn't speak a single word with anyone in the class.
I lost interest in everything.
When I reached a stage where I felt my life was just nothing, Swami Vivekananda's speeches came to my rescue.
But Swami Vivekananda's teachings used to work for a week or so. I used to return to the same stage again.
I remember punching the walls in anger to get over her- Her memories,her change in behavior, How easily she forgot me.
Sharing my pain with the broken hearts in the hostel doubled my pain.
And the list goes on. After an year or so,I managed to do fine. But it didn't last long.
Jan, 2014.
I saw her at a restaurant after two years. I felt like walking away, but my legs didn't cooperate. She was with her own brother and cousins. I remember her telling that her brother knows about us. So, I went to talk to her. She ran away from me. This time it's not a Shy feeling,but something else. Her brother warned me “Brother, please don't waste your time”.
I was shattered. That moment, I hated her. All of my love turned into hatred. I never made an attempt to contact her again. I faced the same dark stage again, this time with a lot of courage and strength.
Two years later.
Feb, 2016.
I got a Facebook request from her. I smiled. I wanted to delete it, but something made me accept her request. But this time, I had zero excitement. A short Facebook chat lead to a phone call.
S: How are you?
M: I'm fine. What about you?
S: Yeah, fine too.
There was the same awkward silence like before.
S: I'm sorry if I did anything wrong.
M: You don't have to apologize.
And after that she told me something that made her hate even more. Her parents never knew about our relationship and that was just an excuse to end our relationship. And in addition, she told that that all happened just because it was due to a lack of maturity and she never had any feelings towards me then. I wondered how mature she turned in just two years.
Immaturity- A simple word of excuse for the mess we have done in the past.
Sorry - Another simple word we say expecting forgiveness from the victims.
“Just a sorry will set everything back? What about the countless days I spent crying for you? What about the guilt I faced when I thought I destroyed your relationship with your parents? “I Don't love you” would have been enough for this mess! You made me believe that you love me, created a situation that you were stuck at home,bmade me feel pathetic about it and finally say sorry ? Where would all of my love, pain, anger go? You deserve something really bad you fickle minded bitch!” I wanted to scream. But replied her with a simple okay.
M: It's okay.
S: I never expected you to respond in such a cool way.
So, Now the dark side of falling in love is Nobody gives a shit to you and your feelings. In my story, when she decided to love me, she did.
When she decided to end it, she did.
Now she decided to apologize, she did.
So basically what I feel is none of her business.
P.S.- Told to me by a Friend. Shared with his permission. Feel free to SHARE!!
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