After a failed experiment and falling out of
favor with the medical community, Wells became a traveling anesthetic salesman
and European expert for his former partner, Gardner Quincy Colton. His
‘investigations’ led to a chloroform addiction that would be his down-fall. In
1848, delirious and deranged after a week of self-experimentation, Wells ran
into the street and assaulted two prostitutes with sulfuric acid. He was
arrested and confined at New York’s infamous Tombs Prison. Recovering from the
drug induced psychosis; the true horror of his actions came home to roost.
Unable to live with this shame, Wells committed suicide by first inhaling a
substantial dose of chloroform and then slitting his femoral artery.
Tycho
Brahe (December 14, 1546 – October 24, 1601)
Manner
of death: Didn’t get to the toilet in time
Famous
as an alchemist and astronomer, Brahe’s pioneering observations of planetary
motion paved the way for Sir Isaac Newton to develop the theory of gravity.
Unfortunately
brilliance and common sense do not always go hand in hand, the manner of his
death being the case in point. Known to have a weak bladder and knowing that it
was very bad form to leave the banquet table before the festivities concluded,
Brahe still neglected to relieve himself before dinner. To compound matters, he
was known to drink excessively, and this particular banquet was no exception.
Too polite to ask to be excused, his bladder strained causing a protracted (11
day), agonizing death. Whether he died of a burst bladder or hyponatremia (low
levels of sodium in the blood) or mercury poisoning is now debated.
Note:
this is very similar to an event in which a lady died recently in a competition
entitled “Hold Your Wee for a Wii”. She died of hyponatremia.
Attila
the Hun (406 – 453)
Manner of death: He
got a nosebleed on his wedding night
History’s
most brilliant tactician, warlord, and notorious villain, Attila the Hun
conquered all of Asia by 450 AD. Using a combination of fierce combat and
ruthless assimilation, Mongolia to the very edge of the Russian Empire fell to
Attila and his armies.
Known
for his frugal eating and drinking habits, Attila must have thought that his
own wedding was an occasion to celebrate. Marrying a young girl named Ildico,
in 453 AD; he over-indulged in both food and drink. Sometime after retiring for
the evening, his nose started to bleed. Too drunk to notice, it continued to bleed,
ultimately drowning him in his own blood.
Aeschylus
(525 BC/524 BC – 456 BC)
Manner
of death: An eagle dropped a tortoise on his head
Considered
the founder of tragedy, Aeschylus is the first of the three ancient Greek
playwrights whose work still survives. He expanded the characters of a play so
that there was conflict between them instead of actors solely interacting with
the chorus. Sophocles and Euripides famously followed in his footsteps.
While
visiting Gela on the island of Sicily, legend has it that an eagle, mistaking
Aeschylus’ bald pate for a stone, dropped a tortoise on his head killing him.
Some accounts differ, stating that a stone was dropped on his head, the eagle
mistaking his shining crown for an egg. This is not as far-fetched as it seems.
The Lammergeier or Bearded Vulture is native to the Mediterranean, and is known
to drop bones and tortoises on rocks to break them open.
King
Adolf Frederick of Sweden (May 14, 1710 – February 12, 1771)
Manner
of death: Eating too much pudding
Adolph’s
Frederick was the titular King of Sweden from 1751 – 1771. The omnipotent
Riksdag or senate held the reins of power despite Adolphus’ best efforts to
wrest it from them.
Another
victim of personal excess, Adophus Frederick is known by Swedish children as
“the king who ate himself to death”. On February 12, 1771, after partaking of a
banquet consisting of lobster, caviar, sauerkraut, smoked herring and champagne
he moved on to his favorite dessert, Semla, a traditional bun or pastry made from
semolina/wheat flour, served in a bowl of hot milk. One or two portions would
have been sufficient; 14 servings was excessive. He died shortly thereafter of
digestion problems.
Grigori
Rasputin (January 22, 1869 – December 29, 1916)
Manner
of death: Drowning after being poisoned, shot, stabbed, and
bludgeoned
The
Mad Monk, Grigori Rasputin, was a peasant and mystic healer who found favor
with the royal court of Russia by providing relief to Crown Prince Aleksey, a
hemophiliac and heir to the throne.
Wielding
much influence on the royal court, the unkempt, vulgar, and amazingly resilient
Rasputin made many political enemies. He had to go; much easier said than done.
The conspirators first tried poison, enough poison to kill a man three times
his size, but he seemed unaffected. Next they snuck up behind him and shot him
in the head. This should have done it, but no; while one of the assassins was
checking his pulse, the mystic grabbed the conspirator by the neck and
proceeded to strangle him. Running away, the would-be assassins took up the
chase, shooting him 3 times in the process. The gunshots slowed him down enough
to allow his pursuers to catch-up. They then proceeded to bludgeon him before
throwing him in the icy cold river (Russian winter). When his body was
recovered an autopsy showed that the cause of death was drowning.
Isadora
Duncan (May 27, 1877 – September 14, 1927)
Manner
of death: Strangulation and a broken neck
Isadora
Duncan is widely considered as the mother of Modern Dance. Born in San
Francisco, California, Dora Angela Duncan was the product of divorced parents;
her father a disgraced banker and her mother and pianist and music teacher. Her
free form style was never very popular in her home country, but she found great
success after immigrating to Paris. She founded three schools of dance and her
likeness is carved over the entrance to the Théâtre des Champs-Élysées.
Isadora
Duncan died of a broken neck and accidental strangulation when her scarf caught
on the wheel of a car she was traveling in. The New York Times, succinctly and
brutally described it thusly:
“The
automobile was going at full speed when the scarf of strong silk began winding
around the wheel and with terrific force dragged Miss Duncan, around whom it
was securely wrapped, bodily over the side of the car, precipitating her with
violence against the cobblestone street. She was dragged for several yards
before the chauffeur halted, attracted by her cries in the street. Medical aid
was summoned, but it was stated that she had been strangled and killed
instantly.”
Christine
Chubbuck (August 24, 1944 – July 15, 1974)
Manner
of death: Suicide on live TV
Christine
Chubbuck was the host of “Suncoast Digest” a well regarded public affairs
program on WXLT-TV in Sarasota, Florida. Breaking format, her guest was waiting
across the studio at the news anchor’s desk; Christine read eight minutes of
national news stories before the tape reel malfunctioned while describing a
shooting at the Beef and Bottle restaurant. Seemingly unfazed by the technical
glitch, Christine looked into the camera and said:
“In
keeping with Channel 40’s policy of bringing you the latest in blood and guts,
and in living color, you are going to see another first: an attempted suicide.”
Taking
a revolver out from under her desk, she placed it behind her left ear and
pulled the trigger (she learned this was the most effective way to commit
suicide from the police while researching a project for her show). She tumbled
violently forward as the technical director slowly faded to black. Some viewers
called 911 while others called the station to see if it was real. Camerawoman
Jean Reed later stated that she didn’t believe it to be genuine until she saw
Christine’s body twitching on the floor.
Sharon
Lopatka (September 20, 1961 – October 16, 1996)
Manner
of death: Volunteered to be tortured and murdered
Sharon
Lopatka was an internet entrepreneur and one sick puppy. Living in Hampstead,
Maryland, USA, Sharon was killed by Robert Frederick Glass in a case of
consensual homicide.
While
advertising unusual fetishist pornography on her web site, Sharon began her
hunt for a partner willing to torture and kill her for their mutual sexual
gratification. After many false starts, of course most replies were not
serious, she finally found Robert Glass; more than willing to fulfill her
fantasy. They exchanged many messages, culminating in their meeting in North
Carolina. Glass tortured her for several days before strangling her with a
nylon cord. He was later convicted of voluntary manslaughter and possession of
child pornography.
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